I always thought that I was content being alone. I had come to peace with the realization that I would spend my life in a solitary way. Surrounded by close friends, but alone. The last several months have brought many lessons, but it has also broadened my understanding of family and it’s importance in my life.
After years of working with the lgbt community, I still get excited when something happens that beings a deeper understanding of how someone experiences the world. Living here with Lisa and Emma and being unconditionally welcomed into their family has brought with it the realization that, for the moment at least, we are an unconventional family. There have been many occasions when I have been out with Emma, either at swim lessons, the gym, up at her school, or girl scout meetings when I have struggled with trying to explain how I came to be a member of this household and what my connection to her is. I am most often greeted with puzzled looks. I cannot simply say that she is family, if I do, I am greeted by a barrage of questions about how this relationship came to be.
“Well, Lisa was my high school biology teacher and now she is really just a sister to me and Emma is really like a niece. So I am really like her uncle. We are really just roommates.”
This never ceases to produce that scrunched up facial expression we get when we are tying to comprehend something that is so simple we just can’t get it. I often find myself dreading these exchanges and the judgement, or perceived judgement that comes along with the scrunchy face.
The truth is, I have known Lisa the majority of my life and she is the person who has always been there, loved me unconditionally, been brutally honest when necessary and never expected anything in return. If I had a sister, that is what I would imagine the role would be in my life. The truth is, there is not anything I would not do for them. Not sure I could love two people more.
These exchanges have brought a deeper understanding of what non traditional families face, and the stresses that come along with being a member of one. It has also facilitated an internal conversation on the issue. I believe in my core that family is sole defined by those who love you unconditionally. I mean really unconditionally. I have come to appreciate that it is the small gestures that mean the most. Last night Emma gave me a hug before she went to bed, and my eyes swelled with tears. This was one of two such hugs I have received from her, and I can recount the details of both vividly. Simple gestures, but she is not one to dole out hugs absent of meaning. I appreciate the laughs we have over dinner, the crazy things the dogs do, a clogged garbage disposal, spilled milk, sitting in the car pool lane and the smiles. I have begun to see grace in the small things that I have often ignored.
Perhaps a solitary life is not my destiny after all.
