I say what’s your past year’s reflection?

One of my favorite artists, Sam Spratt had this to say:

“So many of us scoff at the notion that a new year can really mean anything more than a marker for the passage of time. The rational side of me is on board with that, but just a hair of whimsy keeps me a fan of such markers because–like many–I love the idea of a personal “reset button”.

A mostly arbitrary day where we try to give our various missteps a clean slate, a fresh start, and a new skin is significant not because it actually will magically make the next year a better year–but because it makes us stop to reflect on what COULD improve. Maybe you could try to do a bit better in school, maybe you could be a bit more open-minded, do a little less cocaine, play a little less Skyrim and a little more with your girlfriend (or is it the other way around?), maybe give a little more charity, nag your friends a little less… maybe you could even stop painting saliva and fire on everything (ok that one might just apply to me)–the point is… you’ve gotta glance back now and then to know where you want to be next–why not use the arbitrary day of making “resolutions” to do so? It’s not some grand or dramatic thing that will change the course of your personal history… just an acknowledgment to yourself that there is always room for change.”

Check out Sam’s work at www.samspratt.com.

After years of working with the lgbt community, I still get excited when something happens that beings a deeper understanding of how someone experiences the world. Living here with Lisa and Emma and being unconditionally welcomed into their family has brought with it the realization that, for the moment at least, we are an unconventional family. There have been many occasions when I have been out with Emma, either at swim lessons, the gym, up at her school, or girl scout meetings when I have struggled with trying to explain how I came to be a member of this household and what my connection to her is. I am most often greeted with puzzled looks. I cannot simply say that she is family, if I do, I am greeted by a barrage of questions about how this relationship came to be.

“Well, Lisa was my high school biology teacher and now she is really just a sister to me and Emma is really like a niece. So I am really like her uncle. We are really just roommates.”

This never ceases to produce that scrunched up facial expression we get when we are tying to comprehend something that is so simple we just can’t get it. I often find myself dreading these exchanges and the judgement, or perceived judgement that comes along with the scrunchy face.

The truth is, I have known Lisa the majority of my life and she is the person who has always been there, loved me unconditionally, been brutally honest when necessary and never expected anything in return. If I had a sister, that is what I would imagine the role would be in my life. The truth is, there is not anything I would not do for them. Not sure I could love two people more.

These exchanges have brought a deeper understanding of what non traditional families face, and the stresses that come along with being a member of one. It has also facilitated an internal conversation on the issue. I believe in my core that family is sole defined by those who love you unconditionally. I mean really unconditionally. I have come to appreciate that it is the small gestures that mean the most. Last night Emma gave me a hug before she went to bed, and my eyes swelled with tears. This was one of two such hugs I have received from her, and I can recount the details of both vividly. Simple gestures, but she is not one to dole out hugs absent of meaning. I appreciate the laughs we have over dinner, the crazy things the dogs do, a clogged garbage disposal, spilled milk, sitting in the car pool lane and the smiles. I have begun to see grace in the small things that I have often ignored.

Perhaps a solitary life is not my destiny after all.

Reality proved me wrong.  We only have to look at the news or read the paper to see examples that disproved my assumption.  I just finished watching a remarkable film, The Stoning of Soraya M.. If you have not seen this film or read the book it’s based on, it will enrich your personal humanity.  You can stream it on Netflix.

We discuss diversity and it is in fashion to discuss prejudice, racism, homophobia, but we really fail to acknowledge the things that stare at us in the face.  Many of us never really care about another person’s existence enough to look past our backyards, or we choose not to because we are afraid of what we will see.   Ask most Americans what life is like for someone in another part of the world, or hell, even in the next town over, and they will not be able to give you an answer.  We are arrogant, selfish and petty.

Woman and girls are debased, beaten, paid less, raped, stoned, assaulted, abused and dis honored every hour of everyday.  We don’t  talk about it.  In fact, without even knowing, our actions may even condone it.  Many of these actions occur in the name of God, which only serves to enrage me.  My Divine would never condone hurting or dishonoring another living creature and no one had been able to explain why their version of a high power finds it justified.

Tonight as I watched Soraya M. being stoned, I realized that I have chosen to ignore what was done to her, and in turn, ignore the countless women who have had their voices taken away from them and replaced by that of a man.  I will make the assumption that the majority of us would not be who we are today, with out the love and support of a woman in our lives.  We have created a society where woman are responsible for teaching children compassion, caring and love.  I am not saying that this is right, but I do assert that men are historically the group that serves as oppressor.

I hope that we begin to think.  Hold ourselves accountable and learn.  This is the root of change.  Tonight I offer up these words in honor of Soraya M. and for the betterment of all sentient beings.  Things will not change, until we acknowledge that change is necessary.

I encourage you to think outside the box today, and those of you who are reading this that I have “fallen in love” with.  Happy Valentines Day.

• Shirley
• Jeff and Halida
• GLEE
• Insight.  The kind that makes you smile because, for that moment you know for sure there is something grater than yourself.
• People who listen.
• A glass of great red wine.
• Arlene.
• Adele.  Her new album is sublime.
• The sun on my face.
• Family

The following quote from the book  has inspired me today:

“To make decisions that represent significant change in one;s life, we must go through many processes of destabilization, and very often we opt to stay where we are most comfortable.  And that’s how life goes on.  But if we dare to embark on the most difficult option, we come to realize that what exists on the other side is a world of freedom, peace, and endless tranquility”

It seem that every where I look, people are searching for someone else to tell them how to be a good; moral person.  We look to folks on the TV, we look to friends and family, we go to church, we look to law, but we never really to ourselves.  I am a firm believer that the majority of us have the innate ability of knowing right from wrong, the control we must learn is when freewill intersects with intuition.

Where we fall short is by telling folks that they have to look to someone else to tell them how to behave or treat people instead of instilling a sense of personal connection to your self.  I recall a situation back when I was in middle school.  I had a teacher, Ms. Nugent.  I was reading an article in Readers Digest one day, I believe that it was about imagination and fantasy.  It excited me and I showed it to her.  She told me that fantasizing or imagining, creating worlds in our mind was evil and the path that allowed the devil to creep in.  She said the the only world I needed to create was the one that was already created in the bible and learned about in church.

At that moment, transformation occurred and I was lead to believe that my world view had to be based on what others believed and that if I did not follow suit, something was wrong with me.  Here is how I wish the conversation would have gone.  First, I wish she had read the article, than asked me why it meant s much to me?  What did I learn?  Did it leave me with any questions?

“I am so happy that you found something that you enjoy reading.  I love to read as well. Here are some more copies of the Readers Digest.  Let’s see if you can find any more stories you enjoy.”

I never picked up another copy of the Readers Digest after that day.

• Beautiful weather.
• Earl.
• My iPad.
• A really good book.
• An Idiot Abroad.
• A great cup of coffee.
• Reading the paper in the morning.  And by paper, I mean The Daily and NY Times on my iPad.
• L’Occtaine Lavender Hand Creme
• Bonnie Raitt.
• Something greater than myself.

• My grandmother is cancer-free!
• Playing cards with my grandparents and Uncle Steve.
• Lisa and Emma make my heart swell.
• Texas may not be as bad as I thought it was.
• I met some wonderful new additions to my family in Denver.  Warren, Chris, Cory, Geoff, Shirley, Arlene, Christina, Sabrina, The Horans, Heather, Robert…. love ya’ll.
• Sunny day that is almost the perfect temperature.
• My health.
• Security in knowing that I am exactly the person I am meant to be.
• Friends who are expecting a new baby to join their family.
• I have a roof over my head and am surrounded by unconditional love.